Miss X guide to online dating

Instigator

These are my favorite… Even though they message you..  They only have nasty mean things to say… This could be general negative comments about your profile (“Well aren’t you little miss snobby. You will end up miserable and alone cause your so picky!”) to something much more personal. (“You look like a total whore in your pictures.”) to your looks (“You have the ugliest hair.. go back to bed frankentstien”).. The first thought that always comes to my mind… This person although fully lacking moms lectures on manners spent valuable time and sometimes money to tell me these things…  That means one of a few things…
  1. He’s actually interested in you and is completely twisted;
  2. You remind him of his ex;
  3. He’s thirteen (yes, EVEN THOUGH his profile says he’s 35 and is a doctor who went to Ottawa U).

In any case, what idiot boy is doing is challenging me to write back.. because the majority of women have probably ignored him online.. and some attention is better than no attention… I generally response with an extremely polite .. well this isnt going anywhere Goodluck with things.. block delete.. or sometimes… I send him this exact Paragraph. :)

Mr Pathetic…aka the “nice guy”

They love to shower you in compliments.. Tell you how beautiful you are and how much out of their league you may be..

What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if Mr Nice Guy really likes me for who I am, or if he has leeched onto me out of desperation because I actually paid some kind of attention to him.

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a

pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. I am only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be — not to mention the fact that I tend to fall off of them.

MR “IM TOO GOOD FOR ONLINE DATING” ..henceforth known as MR ITGFOD

They spend an entire profile mocking the questions they’re being asked… they think they’re saving face by not playing the game, as if they’re perhaps, better than you? HEY guess what.. I AM putting in the time, effort, into doing the online dating thing. I am past the embarrassment, past the confusion, and committed to finding a MAN ONLINE. And MR ITGFOD punk is trying to get by with smartass half-phrases that assume we’ve already known him for years, WE get his sense of humour, and we’re on the same mental page.
Lines like this flow from this winner.. “Let’s skip the formalities (like getting to know each other) and just have lots of sex. You know I’m the best there is because I’ve already told you. That is, of course, ALL I’ve told you.”

MR ITGFOD continues…”Furthermore, for you to request more information implies that you don’t TRUST me. What’s your problem with trust? How dare you ask me for more information when I already told you I’m great? Why do you need cross-references? Why insist on phone, instant messaging and e-mail conversation when we can just meet? Were you hurt in the past?” *sigh*

SECRET AGENT MAN

Guys who have nothing descriptive in their profiles. Zero information. Usually something like.. “if you want to get to know me ask.. or I will fill this out later… Or Im not good at writing about myself..”

Who the frig IS good at writing about themselves… tell me about a week in the life of you.. tell me about your dog.. The fact you LOVE double stuffed Oreos and ONLY drink them with 2 percent milk… cause maybe i do too.. and now we have SOMETHING to work with…

I was once contacted by one such Secret agent man fellow.. who did not post a photo and added to this offense by stating under “reasons to know me”: You will like my photo. YOU will like my photo. Note that “YOU” means anyone who is reading this profile. How does he know? Maybe I like fat, balding men with a gut hanging over their pants. And even more notably, maybe I DON’T.

On a side note.. Why does every guy state that he’s good looking without posting a photo, and without fail, when I receive the highly prized photo, Mr boy is at best average, and not “hot” as implied by the profile? Apparently, according to the male species, if they have both eyes, all teeth, and no immediately noticeable deformities, they cut a pretty striking figure. Hair is also apparently a major plus. If they have it, they rank themselves with Fabio. If they don’t, they rank themselves with Sean Connery. In either case, they expect booty.

Or those winners who say “I dont want people I work with to see me ONLINE.. I’M IMPORTANT”.. Youch.. cause i LOVE the idea of MY co-workers seeing me online. uhh. .. Oh.. wait a min.. if my COWORKER sees me online.. they arent THEY ONLINE TOO?? Frig.. How embarrassing they are doing the same thing as me.. We’ll have to have awkward glances at each other by the water cooler… Just because your a police officer, teacher, lawyer, fast food worker means that the world can’t know that you date? If you are single, THEY KNOW YOU DATE.

Get over it and get over yourself.