So i’m talking to this guy… who seems ok.. he says he does all kinds of interesting things… Owns his own company, takes salsa lessons and is a stellar cook.. He also says he is an artist. I ask him more about his art… He says.. well its kinda different… I press him… “different” online.. is rarely good.

He says….  I am necroman’tic artist….. A which I say?

Defined as:
Art which has been created using the remains of something that was once living and in some art pieces these dead pieces get mixed with inanimate objects.

Oookaies..

He goes on… “What does that mean visually? Basically, bones represent the dead and most people are grossed out by this but when displayed romantically in art they seem to have a new appreciation for it.” Check out the example.

and then sums up with… ” You have super attractive eyes. Can you donate them to me when you’re done with them? I’ll make something really beautiful with them LOL.”

Now… folks… i dont think i really need to explain that all forms of death should be left out of initial messages. Especially anything to do with having my eyes.. when i’m dead.  Just Don’t. Ever……

Ever.

Generally a date is considered bad when anyone of the following situations occur;

1. They talk about themselves straight for 45.. and you finally have to ask them to stop talking..  before you poke yours ears out with hot pokers as an alternative to the thought provoking convo…
2. During said 45 min conversation.. most of it is about such wonderful topics as.. how they were picked on as a child, their x-gf who was a welfare case, never worked and lied to him all the time…  oh and let us not forget his wonderful stint in the military!
3. They spit repeatedly on the date when talking about themselves for said 45 mins.. because they are yelling at the top of their lungs.
4. They inform you that their ‘mumsie’ is obese and can no longer walk.. and he needs to go take care of her almost daily cause she cant anymore.. cooks her food.. oh yes.. mumsie.. also owns 4 cats… and writes blogs…
5. They tell you about being physically abused as a child

Oh yes.. any one of these things would be bad enough on a date.. but all 5 in one person.. is painful

So i meet this guy who we will call… Fred… at a local restaurant called Kelsey… Normally i dont meet people for dinner but whatever.. this time i did.. We had talked online for a bit… he seems rather intelligent.. decent high tech job…. send me some “body model” pics of his great physic… the boy works out…. and it shows… So we decide to meet for dinner…

First impression? The guy LIVES to work out…. his body is not proportioned… he has this MASSIVE upper body… and little itty bitty head… little itty bitty legs…. Looks… odd.. but whatever… We go inside… he tries to pick something from the menu… he has a hard time with it…. starts swearing.. yes… swearing..

Finally he settles on fajitas….”I eat these all the time.. I had them just last week”.. every third word out of this guys mouth is a swear word…. He proceeds to tell me about his eating and work out routines… which Of course go to about 9 every night of the week.. and of course he can’t eat anything except protein shakes and chicken… No Dairy, 1 fruit a week.. crazy things like that… ehehhe i laugh…. there is nothing with this guy… even on a friendly level.. i just want out of here…

Food comes…he’s still swearing away… Soccer moms with kids at the near by table are giving me the evil eye… He eats EVERYTHING on the plate.. even the little bowls that the toppings come in…. scarfing it down….

He FINALLY finishes. Sits there for a few moments and then makes this odd face…. Stands up… takes two steps.. and throws up…all over the floor…. right beside the booth.. heheheh He runs into the bathroom and is gone for about 10 mins… continuing to throw up i assume… I dont know what to do..

Do i just leave? Do I pay? I decide to wait it out.. Even though soccer mom is looking at me disgusted like and the pimply faced kid who is mopping the floor seems less than impressed!

He finally comes back.. acts all cool.. Says wow.. I think there was some dairy in something i ate.. I go.. “oh yeah.. maybe like the sour cream?” “Really? Hmmm didn’t know that.. ” He says he’ll pay for the food.. (which normally if i wouldnt allow if i dont plan on seeing someone again but in this case felt it was ok…) I say uhh yeah… feel better… and leave..

I got in the car and I couldn’t stop laughing…. it was horrible.. No need to be something your not… dont eat the sour cream… if you dont eat sour cream…